Being Single For 40 Years, My Mother Called Me Shameless

Being Single For 40 Years, My Mother Called Me Shameless

Daughter, mother, grandma.

Three women in a play.

One set on the surface and one set on the back.

In the seemingly close relationship of blood, each plays the role of Shengdan Jingugou and sings a big drama.

This is the story of the movie “Spring Tide”.

St James + The Kings, two acting schools who have won the best supporting actress in Golden Horse, use a story of “mother and daughter love and kill each other” to outline the profound “sequelae” behind the broken native family.

1

The strange “family of three”

This is a family of three made up of women.

Mother is the head of the family.

As a community leader, she is good at singing and dancing, and leads a chorus of dozens of people.

To her neighbors, she is hearty, enthusiastic and popular.

The daughter is completely different.

Being withdrawn, even at home, most of the time is taciturn.

He is still single in his forties.

She has a child, but she never revealed who the father is.

Because of this, her mother often scolded her “shameless”.

The daughter of the daughter, grew up with her grandma.

Sensible and well-behaved.

She knows that she has no father and is still optimistic. She is the “happy fruit” of the family.

Optimistic and well-behaved granddaughter
The seemingly ordinary family has “turbulent waves” hidden everywhere:

In the evening, the daughter returned to her mother’s house to prepare dinner.

I opened the door and entered the room, and saw my mother leading the choir in rehearsal. The room was full of people.

She said nothing, and secretly hid in the kitchen to smoke.

After smoking, press the cigarette butt on the dumpling wrapper for dinner.

On the dumpling skin prepared for dinner, the daughter pressed a weak but ruthless cigarette butt
Then, unplug the newly repaired water pipe in the sink

The water filled the living room and the chorus had to leave early.

The mother’s face changed, and she angered at each other in an instant. The daughter didn’t say a word, but stood silently.

The daughter unplugged the water pipe in the cabinet silently
In the evening, guests came to the house.

“A family of three” sat at the dining table with the guests, talking and laughing.

This is the mother’s “home ground”.

She was happy and talked about many things in the past.

It also includes bad things about the husband who has left.

The daughter was unwilling and retorted a few words.

Mother is merciless.

After scolding the girl, blamed the granddaughter, got up and left.

Ji Minglan accused Guo Jianbo of mother and daughter at the dinner table
The granddaughter has been learning piano.

One day, while grandma was not at home, halfway through piano practice, she suddenly sat on the piano and stepped on it.

The well-behaved looks at peace are like two people.

I was caught by my grandma, making a big noise.

Three generations are in the same house, in the story of “Spring Tide”, the mask of warmth and beauty is torn off.

It’s more about depression, conflict, and turmoil in one place.

2

The dark side of the family

The first half of the film uses a lot of plots to show seemingly inexplicable, even slightly absurd conflicts.

From the faint details, it may be possible to glimpse the cause of the dark side of this “deformed” family.

There is a mother’s monologue in “Spring Tide”.

At the moment when she decided to develop a relationship with her new wife, Lao Zhou, she cried bitterly when she recalled most of her bad life.

In her unbearable married life, the role of husband is absent.

That man, vulgar, dirty, even perverted:

And this father, who bears the infamy, looks like a white moonlight in his daughter’s eyes:

“How gentle and kind he is.

Encouragement and blessing for the first time in my life,

It all comes from the big gangster in your mouth. ”

The blank of the father’s position formed a Rashomon-like emotional impression and became the deepest gulf between mother and daughter.

Another aspect is that the mother’s native family not only did not comfort her unhappy marriage, but brought more wind and snow.

“All the fine grains are for him and his children.

I save my share and send it to my mother,

Eat one meal a day.

My unforgiving mother said:

Why don’t you send money back? ”

On the one hand, the mother is doing her own sacrifice with a tragic and heroic attitude of sacrifice.

On the other hand, she kept cursing and complaining about life and relatives.

She also turned her “sacrifice” into a kidnapping that controlled her daughter’s affection.

She criticized her daughter’s career as a journalist, and insinuated her innuendo:

“Human, if you don’t have this kind of gratitude, you will be worse than an animal.”

She used her career to insinuate the moral chain between mother-daughter and family relations:

Because I paid, you must be grateful, you must compromise, you must choose to obey…

What about the daughter?

It was undoubtedly a disaster for my father to leave the meeting prematurely.

This has further affected her concept of marriage, love, family, and even the correct interpretation of sex.

She gave birth to a child, but did not know who the father was.

On the surface, she seemed indifferent, but in fact she was full of confusion and confusion.

After coaxing the child to sleep, she left her alone in the company dormitory, and secretly continued to go out for a date.

——She never made any preparations for this child, but she greeted her suddenly.

Even though nine years have passed, it seems that he has not yet understood how to be a “mother”.

This family always seems to be like this: mother and daughter are constantly arguing, cold war, and young granddaughter is constantly whirling between the two.

Over time, there has even been a two-way destructive complaint between mother and daughter:

One night, the daughter dreamed that her mother had become a sheep and was dragged out from under the cupboard by the doctor, and then carried out of the house.

The sheep was wailing and hoarse, but she just watched indifferently.

This scene directly pointed out the inner tendency of the daughter to destroy the mother.

After receiving the love of her new wife, the mother seemed to be determined to abandon the burden of her daughter:

In front of her granddaughter, talk about her daughter’s “bad things”, hoping to ruin her image in the heart of her granddaughter;

Over the years, “occupying” the growth of granddaughter, for various reasons, not allowing her daughter to participate in the granddaughter’s parent meeting;

Without permission, he burned all his daughter’s only memories of his father.

Not throw it away, but directly incinerate it to the point of destruction.

Faced with her mother’s “desire for destruction”, her daughter is always in a state of aphasia-no verbal rebuttal, no physical conflict, just silently digesting herself.

This is also a manifestation of the crux of refusal to communicate from the bottom of my heart.

Guo Jianbo grasped the cactus with his hands until the bleeding came, feeling endless powerlessness
Looking at it from another angle, isn’t the daughter the other extreme in the mother’s heart?

The daughter is healthy, young, and has a free and autonomous personality;

Doing work that I love, never turned into a dead end of marriage…

These are all the mothers who are old and cannot get them again, nor can they get them.

In most film and television works, maternal love often appears in a positive form: selflessness, tenderness, dedication…

But in fact, the love of parents for their children, like other feelings, is complicated, deep, and endless, and there may also be a dark side of human nature:

Selfishness, jealousy, control, kidnapping…

Most of these realities hide in the dark corners of society in a silent manner.

The more people are afraid to expose it, the deeper it hides.

3

The way out for a Chinese family

At the end of the story, the mother fell ill on the bed.

In an instant, all quarrels ceased.

In her daughter’s seven-minute monologue, she complained of the harm her mother had caused to her over the years:

“You always say I will get retribution,

How can a mother tell her daughter like this?

I’m fat, no; no man likes it, no;

Some men like to have men sleep, but they still can’t;

The humiliation of a slut for the first time in this life came from my mother, which is really speechless.

When will you understand that family is not a battlefield and your victory is not glory…

You want me to find a good man, have a family, and live a decent life, I don’t, I want you to see who I am now! ”

But so far, the source of the problem has not been eradicated and solved

It’s just that in the mother’s condition, she created a space for her daughter to escape.

At the end of “Spring Tide”, the camera turns to the granddaughter and her little friend.

When they came to the river, the spring tide surged like a new force.

The girl happily played in the water with a smile on her face.

At only 9 years old, she may be a symbol of hope.

In school, Guo Wanting is a “student fighter” with excellent grades
However, in such a family, the granddaughter has shown premature maturity and sensibility.

She knows how to watch her words and looks, and she also learns to keep her look at the right time.

She is well versed in the rules of the adult world:

In many cases, interest comes first.

Does anyone know how much helplessness is hidden behind this well-behaved?

Can she really break this cycle?

The result is unknown.

Back to reality, most intimate relationships in life may not be so tense.

There are also many negative controversies about “Spring Tide”, such as messy narrative, too fragmented, and bad rhythm.

But the president still feels that such a movie is very rare.

Ang Lee said: “The best movie is not how good a story you told, but what you aroused in the audience.

Don’t want to tell everyone how you feel. No one is looking at you, they are looking at themselves. ”

In the story of “Spring Tide”, how many people saw their own shadow?

How many children, to varying degrees, endure emotional blackmail from their parents in the name of love?

How many parents habitually attack their children in front of outsiders, ignoring their feelings?

How many families have a father who is always blurred or even absent for a long time?

How many people, in the face of conflicts and expressions of love, lack of communication, severe aphasia, or stuck in the mud of their native families, cycle from generation to generation, and never find a way out…

Spring tide, on the surface, means that the sea water in spring rises rapidly under the action of gravitational force, and after a certain period of time, it fades quickly, repeating and reciprocating.

Parents’ thinking about the concept of family, like the source of the tide, determines the direction of water and how far the water can flow.

And the inheritance of generations of families, like the spring tide, circulates again and again.

Perhaps, actively understanding and communicating with each other is the ultimate way out.

This is not a problem that can be solved in a short time.

But at least, take this step instead of waiting until each other is “quiet” before passively letting these contradictions “evaporate”.

There is no perfect native family, no perfect parents, and no perfect children.

As Li Yaping, the producer of “Spring Tide”, said:

“We cannot choose who our parents are, nor can we cut off the relationship with them, but this determines whether we are happy.

We must respect the cognition of the emotional world of the closest people. “

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