Still Don’t Like Myself Very Much

Cherish What You Have At The Moment

01

Pu Shu was silent for a while, and reappeared in “Tomorrow’s Son”. I saw the barrage jokingly saying that Pak Shu may have been short of money recently and came out to earn living expenses. Of course they are all kind words. Everyone knows that Piao Shu himself does not aim at money. Otherwise, he would not worry about living expenses with his rare talent in music. The fact is that compared with authors of the same time, Pu Shu’s output of music works is too low, and his own requirements for music are so strict.

When I first met him, he finally gave a concert. The author I liked spent a lot of time writing about him. I realized that many years have passed since his last work. Like many people, he was moved by the pure youthfulness of him. Then, the friction and twist between Pu Shu’s self and the outside world made him feel more empathetic. Most of them are one-sided and hate to see each other late, and feel that they are not alone when they say that they cannot like themselves.

02

In early July, two people with Zeyin applied for field leave, took the subway and rode bicycles, and went to the Foshan headquarters to participate in tarot activities. Although I usually like static and don’t like to move, my head is the opposite. I don’t stop all day, I imagine it in an unconstrained manner. So for the mystery of the Tarot cards, I quickly liked it. In fact, part of the reason is that I am really confused about the relationship between myself and other people. I don’t know exactly where the problem is.

I can’t find the comfortable and relaxing feeling, and then keep absorbing and diluting the pain that comes at any time. So in order to trace the source, I wrote one emotional article after a long time, trying to learn from those In the moment of loss and joy, some clues were found. There are always gains, but not enough. I hope to take this opportunity to understand more.

Draw a card, come back and can’t figure out the specific hints, and ask the card owner to answer questions. Asked rhetorically, whether your family also has high demands on you. Or when you were young, you would tell you that if you don’t do what I say, I don’t like you. To be honest, I don’t like this answer. After all, it has passed the stage of passing the question to other people. What adults should do better is to be self-financing.

03

But sometimes when I am idle, the loss and sadness of not being recognized seems to have been stationed in the body all the time and did not leave. After I was five or six years old when I was a child, even if I didn’t have enough abilities, I could still help my family with something. For example, when choosing vegetables, everyone should have gone through the stage of making hands in the kitchen, family labor at that age. There was a pile of vegetables in front of me. The adults went to work on other things.

When I came back later, I saw that there were still a pile of muddy vegetables, or the yellow leaves of the selected vegetables were left on it. Dad knocked out the dishes in my hand, pushed me aside, and started to choose dishes himself. This is a relatively good time. More often, I slap over and warn you not to cry.

In the same way, many times in my hometown, my father seemed to play such a strict role, and everyone believed in not being defeated. What is sad is not only that an adult should feel that when a child does simple things for the first time, he should do it without leaking. It is also difficult to have a chance to correct after making a mistake. He will think that if he is given another chance, he will get the result.

Worse. Later, I didn’t know if I really lacked talent in this aspect, but I heard more about “I can’t make a fire”, “I can’t make dumplings” and so on. It’s like making dumplings, but the pleats are ugly, but I’m not willing to try to modify and improve it anymore. I’m afraid to hear how you still make it so ugly, or that you have finally grown a bit. No matter what kind of result, it is not what I want to see. No one will be happy to hear others say “this guy is finally useful”.

04

I failed to meet my dad’s expectations, and it is difficult for others to meet my standards. Getting along with other people seems to always set a standard. Most of the time, I feel that I have tried so hard to be friends with you. Then you must work hard as a friend so that you will not disappoint your recognition. The standard is so high that people from outside can’t come in, and my evaluation is often high and cold, so that it sounds like an adjective of no temperature.

What has hardly been said is that this “other” also includes me, and I don’t like myself very much.

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